A Very Wicked Headmistriss

Tatiana Taffeta is a very rich human cannonball who decides to own a building covered in vines and has lots of fire escapes as a school where she is all of the staff. She makes the elevator purposely slow so she can change clothes and appear as another staff member. On a farm several miles away, a farmer who is allergic to feathers, milk and newly turned earth, owns a herd of cows, fields of sugar beet and chickens has an explosive event on his farm. The farm is then covered in caramel custard from a freak volcanic eruption. When Tatiana finds out that the custard has volcanic diamonds in it, she decides to marry him, but Tancred, a boy decides to stop her...